never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
