Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
