20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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