Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
