He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
