Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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