The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
