I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
