Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
