hell yes lets make some ravioli
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
