Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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