So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
