..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
