New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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