I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
