Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
