Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
