I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
