Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
