John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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