my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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