whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
