Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
