Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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