This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
