Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy sore nipples Batman
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
