i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
