fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You can't special order awesome
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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