can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
