This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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