I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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