Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Say something about gay babies.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
