Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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