got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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