I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
