Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
