I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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