i think i have two assholes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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