Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
