all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
