Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cannot find my penis.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
