We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
