OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Found your dick twin last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
