dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
