Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
