Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
