Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
