I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
