It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
