turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
