absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
