so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
