I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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